Tether
Sometimes I’m filled
With such emptiness
I float away, so far
Yet without fail
You pull me back
Smiling, saying, “There you are”
Sometimes I’m filled
With such emptiness
I float away, so far
Yet without fail
You pull me back
Smiling, saying, “There you are”
“Keep it together.” She tells herself after three glasses of wine and spiraling out of control. Colliding with reality and theory, she wrestles with uncertainty. There’s no one there to help her when she’s drowning in insecurity for there’s no remedy to overthinking. Why can’t things be good, why can’t she be fine? Nothing is wrong, everything is going well yet she cannot divine why she feels the way she does. There’s nothing in her life but good fortune and love, yet in a moment demons creeps insidiously beneath her skin, whisper at her door, beg her to let them in like she did before. There is something so familiar in self loathing’s caress, something in her doubting, in her heart’s quiet unrest. She cannot escape, nothing she does is ever enough. Like the beach on a sunny day when the winds are icy cold, there’s a deceit to the warmth above– a warning of an undertow below. Pulled beneath so quickly, she can hardly stay abreast. Another glass of wine, another gasping breath. “Keep treading water!” From far away it’s all I can advise. I reach out as she goes under, gently framing her demise.
You
Fill every cracked piece of this broken heart
In return it shall never stray
With you it forever belongs
You say that’s a fair trade
But,
How can you love something bruised?
Something…dark?
What can I give in return
When I had nothing to start?
Well,
I’ll give all of my good morning’s
Every “good night” I have too
Take my days left on this earth
And this immense love I have for you
I
Feel it with every cracked piece of this broken heart
An emptiness so familiar
This contempt, a dear friend
A growing hole inside my soul
Has me feeling whole again
solitude isn’t settling well with me and I must say this is a first. never has my heart met silence with such discomfort. it pulls and pushes against the cage in agitation like an animal before a disaster. something is wrong but I don’t understand the language. the only time I get a sense of the anguish is in the darkest hour when the world is the most quiet and I can hear the panic clawing its way out of my throat. between gasping breaths and bloody teeth I’m forced to concession- I can’t keep swallowing this fear forever.
my heart does not beat but paces;
an uneasy stirring amongst placidity
as madness stalks and creeps
that which is helpless to run
A little more them, a little less me
That’s how you thought it had to be
You nourish, they flourish,
Leave you with one less piece
You’ve become so small, little me
Raised to take up as little room
To give others space to grow
You turned your cries to whispers
Smothered flames into flickers
Learned to shrink into your sorrow
Now you’re alone with no one in need
Left as bones and dust, human debris
Nothing left for yourself
But hate and envy
You’ve become so small, little me
I’m letting go of the ones I love
Lest they hurt from holding onto me
I climbed too far and was pulled down
From Eden’s apple tree
A taste of fruit, knowledge cursed,
How I agonize over all I cannot be
So I offered my soul, begged to feel less alone,
Now Death, Devil, and I make three